


always a pleasure, never a chore

by kogaritsu



Category: Ensemble Stars! (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Dancing, M/M, Misunderstandings, Pining, Slow Burn, Texting, background himemayo and kogaritsu
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-06
Updated: 2020-11-06
Packaged: 2021-03-09 01:54:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 19,642
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27416839
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kogaritsu/pseuds/kogaritsu
Summary: Every muscle in Kaoru’s body screamed as he stretched a bit too far, breath hopping in his throat and ears beginning to ring. The hands on his back, it seemed, would push him forward until he complained, though. So he said something.“Too far.” Then. “Owwwww…"
Relationships: Hakaze Kaoru/Sakuma Rei
Comments: 13
Kudos: 55
Collections: Reikao Week 2020!





	always a pleasure, never a chore

**Author's Note:**

> can you believe i wrote all of this for the floor kabedon that the very beginning? me neither, it was supposed to be 8k or less
> 
> title taken from black flamingo by the wombats

“For the record,” Kaoru scratched at his arm, more than a little uncomfortable with the amount of tension filling the empty studio, “I’m only here for the grade. So, uh, don’t get too comfortable.”

His face felt hot already, knees locked as he watched his partner stretch by the mirror, lithe body reflected by three of four walls. His partner, well known for his status as something of a child prodigy in the world of dance, had nothing to say to him, foot bouncing to the quiet music he’d put on. Kaoru really didn’t even know why he was here. It wasn’t like he’d have any kind of input in how they’d collaborate or what they’d do, so visiting the esteemed Rei Sakuma was pointless in the end. He could be asleep on his sister’s couch instead, rotting his brain out to talk shows and avoiding his non-dance related homework in peace.

Frankly, he was owed a great debt by his old partner, who left his side to twirl his hair and beg for tap lessons from their stupid classmate (that hadn’t even been doing tap as long as Kaoru had, for god’s sake). He was only a little bit bitter over it, since Senacchi was also disgustingly into said stupid classmate, and Kaoru was at least happy to see him finally make a move. Even if it forced him to socialize with tall, dark, and reclusive. Well, he may just cash in for a small sum of money. Maybe. 

Before Kaoru could fantasize about the money he was going to exploit from his best friend, his attention was drawn to the barre. Rei had both feet on the ground again, and was staring at Kaoru with eyes full of something not unlike curiosity. 

“Can you lift me?” He asked, wrists cracking when he rotated them.

“Obviously. S’not like you’re that big anyways.” Kaoru resisted the urge to flex, muscles still burning from his morning run. If he was proud of anything, it was his physique.

“Hmm.” Rei nodded, stretching each calf with a pensive look. “And how’s your balance?”

“Pretty good, I’m not taking dance classes for no reason.” Kaoru rolled his eyes, getting a little sick of the consistent doubt. It wasn’t like he was some beginner with no experience in dancing, he’d even won a few competitions before he’d even enrolled. Rei was quiet again, nodding and watching himself in the mirror as he carefully twisted to stretch his back.

Then, without a single change in his expression, he charged forward, both hands extended to plant themselves on Kaoru’s chest and shove. They didn’t push too terribly hard, just enough to make him take a step or two to regain his balance; as soon as he moved to catch himself, though, Rei’s foot hooked behind his and knocked him onto his ass. Rei followed him down in an elegant roll of his body, knees bracketing Kaoru’s hips and chest forcing him flat on his back. Delicate features were framed by curled black hair when Kaoru stared up at him, completely pinned between two willowy arms. His heart pounded against his ribs like the feet of a jackrabbit and Rei did something Kaoru had never seen him do before. He laughed.

Rei’s smile was sharp and dangerous, sinking twin dimples in the round curve of his cheeks and crinkling the corners of his eyes. With all of the strength and precision in his body, Kaoru tried to flip them over, feeling kind of humiliated to be taken down so fast. So quick it was barely possible, Rei balanced on one hand to pin Kaoru’s shoulders directly, and _holy shit_ having actual contact with him was so much worse. The laughter continued behind closed lips, bounced off of the high ceiling and mixed into the soft jazz they were listening to on the (ancient) studio stereo. He said something, but it sounded like TV static from his moving lips. If Kaoru tried really hard, he could make out the consonants of ‘false confidence’, and it was enough to get the gist.

Nimble fingers brushed hair out of his eyes, so gentle it couldn’t have been the person that shoved him over and bruised his tailbone. Rei sat straight after that, still hovering but allowing Kaoru a bit of space. It didn’t help the embarrassment much, because it seemed he only moved so he could unzip and toss his jacket aside. Somehow, seeing the slope of his neck and fold of his collarbones did nothing to make Kaoru feel less pinned. Neither did noticing the subtle (but so fucking noticeable) swell of muscle under Rei’s form-fitting shirt, if that was ever questioned. 

Before much more ogling could be done, Rei was rolling back to his feet like the trained ballerina he was, turning on the balls of his feet to trail back to his dance bag. It took a ridiculous amount of time for Kaoru to get up, stunned by the turn of events and a little afraid he might be weak in the knees. He wasn’t, but it was a really close call. His water bottle was half empty, drained while he anxiously waited for his stop on the train ride over, and his mouth was drier than it had ever been before. 

It seemed safe to join Rei next to their things. He was sitting down and turning on his computer, so there was a much lower risk of getting tackled while they were by the wall. So Kaoru joined him, hot back against the cool wall, and chugged the remainder of his water in hopes of rehydrating his cottonmouth. It didn’t really work. But at least he was a little bit less thirsty.

“I have lessons soon.” Rei mentioned offhand, baring the back of his neck as he tied his hair back, “So let’s make haste.”

His computer sat on his thighs, dim screen buffering on the home page of his email account; Kaoru assumed he was pulling up the requirements for their assignment. While he waited, Rei dug in his bag for something, unearthing what looked like an ancient tome from the depths of his belongings. As soon as he opened it, Kaoru was corrected. It was a photo album, but, in his defense, the ornate cover that was etched with a language he was fairly certain neither of them spoke was a very suspicious sign that something was off. 

“You told me your last class was right after lunch. Liar.” Kaoru was excited for a way out, but couldn’t help himself. Rei was just so bizarre and annoying and easy to pick on. He was more than willing to stick around a little longer to layer on more teasing.

“Lessons I teach.” Rei clarified with a simple hum, setting his photo album aside to pull up the email with their assignment requirements. Kaoru peeked at the open page, biting his cheek so he wouldn’t smile at the photos of Rei with his younger brother, both dressed up for a recital. It was an old picture, but not so much that they were young children in it- Kaoru guessed it was from the beginning of Rei’s high school career. 

Taking his lack of answer for confusion, he continued. “You can stay if you’d like, I’m sure my students wouldn’t mind. But they’ll be the center of my attention, so the choice is yours entirely.” Rei tapped on his keyboard, sighed, and blindly reached into his bag to retrieve a glasses case. When he could properly read the screen, he clicked a few times and turned the computer to face Kaoru. “I was thinking we could choreograph something like this. It appeals to both of our specialties, don’t you think?”

A video was playing (the brightness was blessedly turned up far enough that he could finally see what was going on) and Kaoru was very shocked to see both the technical difficulty of the routine and the fact that Rei wasn’t in the video at all. His younger brother was and so was a vaguely familiar head of garishly bleached hair. They were so in sync it was kind of scary, building off of each other in a way Kaoru had never seen before then. There was no way in hell he’d ever be able to recreate anything like this, and he definitely couldn’t do it with someone he hardly knew. He didn’t want to be rude, but he also didn’t want to burn himself out trying to chase something he’d never achieve.

“I dunno… Seems pretty intricate.” He finally answered, looking up from the screen to watch Rei’s expression… stay the same. Kaoru was perplexed to say the least. 

“That’s what I thought you’d say.” The laptop snapped shut, and Rei tucked it away before Kaoru could even start to feel offended. “I’ll think of something else and be in touch, then.”

They were still sitting on the floor together when the studio door swung open with grandeur and slammed shut with no sign of anyone entering. Naturally, Kaoru jumped out of his skin when a backpack was dropped unceremoniously on the floor next to Rei’s, eyes following long, spindly legs up to a form utterly gnarled by discomfort. His shoulders were hunched up to his ears, and his otherwise lovely face was twisted with an expression that should be reserved for someone stumbling across a dead body.

“How was class, Mayo-kun?” Rei ignored his discomfort and extended a hand to be pulled up, smiling up at him so sweetly it made Kaoru’s teeth ache.

‘Mayo-kun’ pulled him to his feet effortlessly, free hand stabilizing Rei by his waist as he answered. “N-not bad… Just loud.” His eyes darted over to Kaoru a few times, as if he was waiting for him to either leave or explain his presence. Before he could do either, Rei took care of it.

“That’s Kaoru-kun, we have a partner project for our dance kinesiology class. I told him he was free to stay and observe our lessons, but I have no issue having him leave if you’re uncomfortable.” The affection between them was starting to feel weird, like Kaoru was intruding on something. He didn’t like it. 

“It’s okay…. I think Aira-san would like the feedback, if Kaoru-san is talented enough to be paired with you.” Now that he was slightly more relaxed, Kaoru could actually appreciate this Mayo-kun’s appearance: his hair hung over one shoulder in a tastefully messy braid and his mouth was dotted with a beauty mark just underneath. He was beautiful, too, and it was doing something disgusting to Kaoru’s heart rate to watch Rei twirl the hair not included in Mayo-kun’s braid around one of his fingers. Together, they made a very pretty picture, like something out of a horrifically filtered magazine. 

“Mhmm, I think you’re right.” Rei finally peeled away from him, mouth still set in his fond smile. “Oh, how rude of me. Kaoru-kun, this is Ayase Mayoi-kun, my assistant and fellow instructor. I think you could learn a great amount from him, his talent knows no limit.” 

Something churned in Kaoru’s stomach when Mayoi’s face went a tinge pinker at the praise, quickly hidden in the long sleeves of his sweatshirt. It wasn’t jealousy, couldn’t be, because he didn’t know either of them that well, but the way they interacted was so… Well, he didn’t need to rationalize it, because he _wasn’t_ jealous. He just wanted his friends to be that enthusiastic about his life. That was all. 

Thankfully, he didn’t have to waste any more time thinking about his complex feelings, because the door swung open again. A gaggle of middle schoolers poured in, chattering with footsteps deafening in the otherwise quiet studio. Kaoru was so grateful for them and apologized silently for what he was about to do. While Rei and Mayoi were both distracted greeting their students, Kaoru gathered his things and made for the door like his life depended on it. Sorry, Aira-san, whichever one you are. He swore to give some really, really good feedback some other day, if he ever bothered to hang around long enough to have the chance.

He didn’t even think to leave his phone number behind until he was already on his train, leaning against the window and vibrating with the engine and his eagerness to go home. His head hit the glass with a resounding _thunk_ , and he cursed himself for being so hasty to leave. Well, there was always next time.

\---

The next day, Kaoru went to class. It was easy to ignore the assignment hanging over his head when he could bury himself in forgotten classwork and pretend it didn’t exist. So he did, planting his face in the pages of his rented copy of ‘Sports Marketing and You’ and devoting himself to studying for his upcoming test. His library table didn’t stay lonely for long, he wasn’t lucky enough to have friends that could mind their business when he wanted them to. 

“How’d it go yesterday?” Moricchi asked, cheek stitched by butterfly bandages that told Kaoru that nothing got done for his project either. He’d had the tact to bring Kaoru an iced coffee from the cafe down the street, though, so no anger could be directed at him for asking.

Before he could even answer, though, Senacchi dropped into the chair across from him with no less grace than a petulant cat. “Kuma-kun told me his brother came home all bent out of shape.” He propped his feet up on the chair next to Kaoru’s legs, eyes accusatory, “How the hell did you manage to fuck up something as simple as a meeting? You didn’t even have to talk to him that much.”

“I didn’t!” Kaoru chewed on his straw, wishing he could sink into the floor and escape the conversation topic, “I just left when he had lessons to teach, that’s all. He was busy! Why would I stick around and watch him teach middle schoolers with two left feet?”

Both of his friends stared at him. Their judgement was palpable, and Kaoru just wanted an excuse to go back to studying for his test. His notes were still laying out on the table for the whole world to see the crammed margins and scribbled out pen strokes. For the sake of having a neat reference to study off of (and for an excuse to avoid both Senacchi and Moricchi’s eyes), Kaoru dug out fresh sheets of paper and began copying his lecture notes over.

His handwriting was hideous under pressure, but once he had time to make an effort, it was perfectly legible and neat. The simple motions helped him clear his mind. Ignoring them was a lot easier. Nails tapped against a phone screen outside of his line of vision. Moricchi’s foot tapped mutedly on the library carpet. Students around them chatted quietly, turning pages and clicking their pens to a rhythm Kaoru couldn’t hear. It was insufferably loud.

“You didn’t say goodbye.” Senacchi finally stated, like he already knew it was true. No confirmation needed, because he was a master of the human psyche. Kaoru ground his teeth.

“Should I have? They were busy with the kids.” He shrugged his shoulders, pencil scratching paper as he colored in a near perfect bullet point.

“They? Someone else was there?” A shoe dug into Kaoru’s thigh, insistent for answers. “Is that why you took off with your tail between your legs? You felt threatened? Ignored? God, you’re such a girl.”

“Sena, that isn’t nice.” Moricchi protested in Kaoru’s honor, reaching over his own notes to cuff Senacchi on the wrist. It was affectionate. Kaoru felt suffocated.

“Are you being quiet because I’m right?” Senacchi kicked him again and stole a sip from his drink like the horrible friend he was. “Fine. Don’t answer, I already know I am. I’m always right.”

“Then why’d you ask? If you already knew, you didn’t have to remind me that I was the asshole that took off early.” Kaoru’s mood was properly soured by then, not that it took much to make him feel like shit. It wasn’t like he didn’t realize how it looked to have run away as soon as he stopped being spoken to. He was well aware of the flaws in his decision-making, the shaming was unnecessary.

Senacchi took another long pull from Kaoru’s coffee, blue eyes critical and searching, then he pushed it back across the table with measured strength. His phone clicked when it unlocked, and their eye contact was broken when he looked down to read whatever was on the screen. “The studio is closed today, but if you show up sometime after 4 tomorrow, you may be able to have some time to practice.” 

His face was unreadable, and Moricchi was busy packing up his classwork on his side of the table, so Kaoru was at a complete loss. ‘What do you mean?’ formed in his mind, was on its way to his tongue so he could ask just what Senacchi was talking about. But he didn’t, watching the way Senacchi couldn’t hold eye contact for longer than a second, gaze turned to the stacks around them. That meant he was being genuine.

“You’re welcome.” Senacchi said, feet swinging back to the floor and bag hiked onto his shoulder, “Don’t fuck it up this time, kay?” 

He and Moricchi made their exit, and Kaoru was left wondering what would be waiting for him if he showed up. 

\---

He wasn’t going to go, he really wasn’t. He had so much homework and he didn’t really want to face the consequences of insulting Rei anyways. But he went anyways, because he had to know just what Senacchi had done..

The lights were off inside, not that Kaoru had a chance to venture very far into the building before he was intercepted. Cold little hands caught his wrists before he even saw anyone emerge from the shadows, pulling him along like he wouldn’t have the guts to go in without a guide. He wouldn’t have, but that was his business. Kaoru was, needless to say, very alarmed and couldn’t have struggled even if he wanted to. When his escort shoved the main studio’s doors open, light flooded over both of them, and Kaoru recognized him almost immediately. In fact, he was actually pissed that he hadn’t guessed it before seeing him, considering the circumstances.

Sakuma Ritsu was multitalented when he applied himself, smart where it counted, and (now that Kaoru was looking at him in person and up close) just as infuriatingly beautiful as his older brother. His hair bounced with every step, curled up by his ears and clearly uncut from the last time he’d been publically photographed. His fingernails were painted with little paws on them, and Kaoru’s heart kind of hurt with how cute they were. And very unlike his brother, Ritsu’s smile was one of the sweetest things he’d ever seen, even if it was deceptive on an ungodly level. 

“I’m a big fan, Kaoru-san.” He giggled over his shoulder, eyes half shut and nose scrunched up with his grin, “Anija’s said good things, too.”

“Good things? We’ve only known each other for a few days.” Kaoru allowed himself to be pulled some more, watching Ritsu walk as they passed mirrors.

“Only a few…? Oh… I see now.” Then that grin twisted a small amount, barely noticeable as his eyes turned a bit devious. 

“Huh?” Kaoru stopped, shoes squeaking on the floor when Ritsu kept on tugging.

“Just making noise.” Ritsu let go, waving his hands in dismissal. “Anijaaaaaa! Come down, I brought you a snack.” He winked over his shoulder at Kaoru, licking his lips in a way that made Kaoru incredibly anxious.

Before he even had a chance to dissect why Ritsu would be looking at him that way, his attention was drawn to a much more disturbing sight. Dark hair hung down a short distance from his face as Rei hung upside down from a rig on the ceiling that Kaoru had missed his first time visiting. What reason they’d have to hang anything from the ceiling was lost on him, but there the rig was, and there was Rei hanging from it. Speaking of him, Rei’s face looked a lot less soft upside down, shadows casting it to be sharp and angular. 

“Boo!” He swung his arms down, wiggling his fingers and shattering the tense atmosphere.

Ritsu laughed when Kaoru jumped back, resting both hands on his sides to keep him steady and pressing his forehead between Kaoru’s shoulders. He was a pleasant mix of hot and cold, and his hands felt so much stronger than they looked when they kept him in place. Something about the casual touching made Kaoru feel very accepted, but he wasn’t entirely sure why. 

“Kaoru-san is safe with me.” Ritsu said softly, like it was a secret for just the two of them, “Anija can’t get you now.”

Rei’s face pinched with mock agony, and he hung like a puppet with no master, whining into the quiet studio. “Riiiitsuuuuuuu… You’re so mean to onii-chan…” 

Ritsu dug his nails into Kaoru’s hips, making a face so dramatically it was noticeable through the back of his shirt. Clearly he didn’t like it when Rei talked that way. Poor kid. Kaoru felt kind of bad when he flinched and got a mumbled apology.

“I’m going back now.” He let go all at once, and Kaoru had half a mind to miss those little hands. At least Ritsu was mostly non threatening. “See you later, Kaoru-san, don’t have too much fun without me.”

Kaoru wasn’t sure how to take that and settled on completely disregarding it in favor of watching in abject horror as Rei dismounted the rig like a fucking acrobat. It was already clear they were from separate worlds, but he really didn’t need a reminder that he was contributing fuckall talent-wise. The door shut out of his line of sight, and he took it as an excuse to look away from Rei and get himself together. 

“Are you alright, Kaoru-kun?” Rei asked between crackles of his water bottle, slightly winded and very distracting.

“Yeah, uh… I don’t really know what’s up with me lately. Sorry. I’m not usually this spacey.” Kaoru rubbed his eyes, wishing he’d just stayed home. 

“Stress, maybe?” Rei made his way closer, clearly concerned beyond necessity. 

“Maybe.” Distracting his fidgeting hands tying his hair back, Kaoru resisted the urge to shoo him away, “It’s really not a big deal, though. Just inconvenient.”

Rei didn’t look convinced, but didn’t argue either, face showing an emotion that Kaoru couldn’t hope to decode or understand. He only stopped looking at him long enough to finish his water and tuck the bottle away, bones creaking when he bent down. Kaoru watched him, feeling a bit like voyeur in his own conversation.

His stomach was churning and twisting, but he’d already come this far. “That’s not important, though. We should talk about our project.” 

\---

Kaoru went home sweaty and sore, ears ringing and heart racing too long after Rei stopped guiding him through an arsenal of positions and movements he hadn’t done since childhood. He sat on the cold floor in his sister’s kitchen, did the cool down stretches he was told to, and picked at whatever was left out from dinner. His head was still cloudy, like his thoughts were swimming in sour molasses. Rei had been very patient teaching him, and even dismissed him when the daylight had faded. It was so Kaoru could get plenty of sleep, but the both of them were all too aware that he wouldn’t.

His phone alarmed with an unread text message so he dug it out of his pocket to check it. Turning it on to peer at the lock screen made him notice the date, and things started to make a lot more sense. The message itself wasn’t so subtle either. All the air in his lung left with a soft hiss, and his ribs constricted like stiff fingers so he couldn’t inhale again. No wonder he hadn’t been able to think lately, he should have thought of this so much earlier. Forgetting made him feel dirty.

Steam poured over the top of the shower, good for the lungs and good for relaxing overworked muscles. His mother had told him that the first time he practiced too hard; he was only eight and miserable every time he tried to walk with pulled muscles. She’d scooped him up and put him in the bath, combing his hair with thin fingers and making him promise a million times over that he’d take care of himself. She was a ballerina once, she’d told him like he didn’t idolize her for it, so she knew what she was talking about.

He’d promised to never work so hard ever again and melted into her loving hands, not foreseeing what was to come. Maybe if he had, he wouldn’t have lied to her so much, would have appreciated her doting more, would have really listened. Now he had no mother to chastise him for pushing too hard, no mother to correct his fifth position when he misplaced his feet for comfort. Kaoru couldn’t believe he’d forgotten about the anniversary of her death- if he’d remembered, he surely wouldn’t have been shuffling around wondering if something was so wrong. 

Of course something was wrong.

His skinned scalded under the steaming water, muscles contracting in repulsed pain, and Kaoru sobbed. There was no doubt his sister and her husband were home, he’d seen their car on his way inside. But there was no knock on the bathroom door asking if he was already, there was no offered comfort waiting in the hallway until he got out. He wouldn’t have wanted it if it was waiting, their mother’s death had put distance into his family. It was only natural when she was the glue holding them together; the fights that broke out after her funeral were the things of Kaoru’s most realistic nightmares. When he’d lost his mother, it was like losing the rest of them, too.

Kaoru missed his mother every day, missed her with every movement it took to get through the day. But he missed her in concept and heart, it wasn’t a weeping wound that pulled and prickled. Missing his mother was never a physical pain until he had to put it into words. But when he had to think about it, when he had to find words and phrases to rationalize his pain to himself, that’s when missing her was like cutting pieces of himself away.

The mirror was fogged when he got out of the shower, blessedly standing between Kaoru and his wretched reflection. He didn’t want to see. His hair dripped all the way to his room, and onto his pillow when he got there. Old sheets scratched his overheated skin, making Kaoru curse his need for blanket pressure when he slept. 

Rei’s unopened text messages blinked on his nightstand, a chore for the morning, maybe. Hopefully, if he already knew, Rei wouldn’t mind spacing out their practices until the unearthed grief had run its course. 

**[22:54] From: rei from kinesiology >>** See you tomorrow  
 **[22:57] From: rei from kinesiology >>** If you don’t want to practice tomorrow we won’t  
 **[00:26] From: rei from kinesiology >>** Please let me know if I can help

He fell asleep counting blinks like they were sheep, 

\---

He cut class the next day, faking a stomach bug and incurring the wrath of his former RA and current sociology TA. He should have known that any sign of weakness would tempt his snake-adjacent friend to strike, and yet he sent the email admitting vulnerability. Instead of chipping away at his homework, Kaoru lied to his professors, then he rolled over and went back to sleep. The extra five and a half hours did wonders for his post-cry headache, and he felt comfortable dismissing his unread messages from Rei guilt-free. He’d understand. 

Instead of fretting over Rei’s feelings, Kaoru directed all of his brain power to reading and coping with the texts waiting for him. While Keito was a man of many, many words in person, over text he was so much worse. There was no limit to how much he could say, and he always had to have the last word; needless to say, Kaoru was prepared to have an entire novel (and a few recipes) to read when he opened his phone. He wasn’t far off.

**[10:43] From: mother hen hasumi >>** Someone will bring you a copy of the lecture notes after lunch. Don’t forget to do the reading, having an extension does not make you exempt. If you feel you don’t understand the passages, feel free to send me an email and I’ll do my best to get back to you in a timely manner.  
 **[10:44] From: mother hen hasumi >>** Drink water if you take anything in capsule form and in general. Hydration is one of the most vital parts of healing.  
 **[10:45] From: mother hen hasumi >>** If you don’t feel better by tomorrow, see a doctor. That’s an order. If you develop another UTI, I will not be your taxi to the hospital. 

There was absolutely no one else capable of seeing their texts, but Kaoru was absolutely humiliated by Keito’s lack of decorum. He’d seen Kaoru in a _very_ sensitive situation, and now he had the audacity to use his brush with urosepsis as a threat? How dare he. Kaoru was halfway into texting a retort when he decided to at least read the rest of the texts. Keito was such a fucking windbag. He still backspaced and read on, not prepared to smile and surprising himself when he did.

**[10:57] From: mother hen hasumi >>** Your fan club has requested I pass along their love and affection. So here it is. [4384953040.png]  
 **[11:06] From: mother hen hasumi >>** I know you’re asleep. Never test my desire to rescind extensions.   
**[11:19] From: mother hen hasumi >>** It has come to my attention that you were up late working on a project for another class. How courteous of you to have the presence of mind to make an effort. I applaud you.   
**[11:42] From: mother hen hasumi >>** Sleep well.

From what he could tell, it was a very uneventful class, if Keito was texting so heavily during it. Either that, or the idea of Kaoru developing a sudden stomach bug so severe he had to stay in bed was too much for Keito’s poor intellectual brain. Neither were entirely believable, but Kaoru liked to believe that his absence was an actual bother. No matter the circumstances, it felt nice to be smothered. 

**[12:26] To: mother hen hasumi >>** good morning   
**[12:26] To: mother hen hasumi >>** i shuld get sick more often

He rolled over in bed to stretch, burying his face in warm blankets and sighing against the warm smell of fabric softener. It was cold in his room, but streaks of sunlight snuck past his curtains and onto his bed, sharing their shallow warmth. All in all, it wasn’t a terrible emergence from sleep. His chest still kind of hurt, and his stomach was tight with the thought of having to move on after last night’s meltdown, but he was a big kid. Big kids didn’t sit and cry for their mommies when they had things to do. School had to take priority, since he was chasing his dreams to make her proud. His phone chimed again. And again. And then one more time.

**[12:30] From: mother hen hasumi >>** It’s past noon, you’ll hardly sleep tonight. My texts should have woken you before now.   
**[12:33] From: mother hen hasumi >>** If you ever get sick on purpose, I will make it my mission to ensure that you succumb to your illness.  
 **[12:34] From: mother hen hasumi >>** Also your front door is unlocked.

Before Kaoru could even process the final text, he heard the sound of his microwave beep, stopped faster than anyone in his household would have the skill to pull off. Dread filled him at the speed of light. With everything in him, he prayed that his sister and her husband weren’t still home. Witnessing Keito in a doting shift with his own eyes was weird enough, he didn’t need his entire family to know about it. He got out of his warm, loving bed, wincing as soon as his feet hit the cold floor. Socks were a must before he faced the pacing beast invading his home.

If he dragged his feet down the hall, who could judge him? Nesting Keito was a sight to behold, and not always a good one. Might as well prolong the peace.

“Hakaze.” The man himself stood by the couch, caught red handed trying to straighten up the cluttered area. “You look like shit.”

“Megane-kun.” Kaoru chose that moment to realize he’d forgotten to change after getting up, leaving him in his shorts and ratty sweatshirt. “You look… divorced.”

“Not funny.” Keito didn’t inflect his words in any particular way, turning on his heel to retrieve whatever he was making in Kaoru’s kitchen.

“What? Only separated? It’s only a matter of time, dude.” Kaoru followed him along, gathering his tangled hair into a knot behind his head. Out of sight, out of mind.

Upon entering the kitchenette, he was tempted to throw himself at Keito’s feet and plead to be forgiven. Sitting on the counter was a plate of sticky, steaming pancakes with a few glazed strawberries nestled where they dipped in the center. They smelled so good, he couldn’t even fathom how good they’d taste. He could have cried. He almost did.

“Eat them before they get cold again, I don’t want to ruin them further.” Contrary to his words, Keito took away Kaoru’s pancakes, only to set them down on the coffee table so they could both sit down.

He was still talking, walking Kaoru through the lecture he’d missed and explaining what new concepts they were going to explore. Kaoru ignored him, digging into his lunch and watching Keito in his peripheral vision, unable to stifle his laughter when books started unpacking themselves on his table. What was meant to be a quick drop off was about to be a full scale study session, and he couldn’t find it within himself to be mad about it. Keito was really good company.

“Oh, and Hakaze?” Keito looked up from his things after a few moments of silence, suddenly seeming a little bit shy. He tugged free a sheet of stiff paper, pinching it between long fingers.

“Yeah?” Talking with his mouth full was horrible manners, but Kaoru didn’t actually care that much.

“This is for you.” Keito slid the paper across the coffee table, and further inspection made it clear that it was an ink and watercolor painting. It was of him, smiling widely with wide eyes dotted by perfectly rendered stars. His hair looked like a horizon of waves, brushing the drawn-him’s shoulders like fading seafoam. In comparison to how much Kaoru loved the sea, he loved this so much more, shamelessly sniffling and wiping at his eyes. 

In the corner, in Keito’s gorgeous calligraphy, it read ‘Happy birthday.’ 

\---

Keito stayed until Kaoru’s sister texted that she was on her way home, reteaching the lecture he’d missed and (after some pretty convincing crocodile tears) acting as a human pillow. As soon as there was a possible witness to his generosity and loving nature, he had to run away as fast as his legs could take him. Kaoru gave him a tough time, clinging to his pant leg and looking at him like a kicked puppy, but he ultimately understood. While Keito was obsessed with being resourceful and helpful in his special condescending way, he was also incredibly shy about his affections. Of course he wouldn’t want anyone uninvolved to see him so mushy and nice. 

Before he left, he made Kaoru brush his teeth and wash his face, then banished him back to bed so he could rest away his illness. Upon being reminded that Kaoru was lying about being sick, he was very dedicated to being right, tucking Kaoru into bed like a vengeful babysitter. Keito was smart. He was clever and tactical and realistic. He was all of that, and he still stooped to lay his head against Kaoru’s shoulder in a half-assed hug. His hair smelled like mint.

While Kaoru mourned the loss of Keito picking and prodding at him all afternoon long, it was very nice to be all by himself again. Stretching out in bed was a blissful feeling that rivaled the taste of reheated pancakes on his tongue. Full and plenty doted on, it was high time for him to take a well deserved nap until he had to get up and help his sister with dinner. 

When she got home, though, it was quiet. She didn’t stomp her feet or shout for him, she just left her shoes at the door and went to her room to get changed. Even after, she passed his room on gentle feet like a ghost haunting their hallway, too soft to rival even a moth. It was almost eerie, until his door creaked open on its exhausted hinges. 

“Kao-chan…” His sister lingered there in his doorway, so close he could hear her sigh and so far away it was like he’d never feel her warmth again. She seemed to watch the rise and fall of his shoulders, perhaps deciding whether or not he was actually asleep. After a while (Kaoru was actually starting to doze, basking in the dipping late afternoon sun), her feet shifted enough to make the floorboards groan underneath them. “I’m sorry.” 

Then she pulled his door shut again, and padded back down the hall. Kaoru tried really hard not to be disappointed, then he rolled onto his side to sleep the rest of his birthday away. Maybe the sinking feeling in his chest would fade if he slept long enough, dinner preparations be damned. He’d help tomorrow.

\---

It was two Mondays later before Kaoru had the energy to schedule another practice with Rei and not until the following Thursday before either of them had time. When they finally did meet up, Kaoru arrived to see Rei helping his little co-teacher stretch; the burning in his gut couldn’t have possibly been jealousy, but it felt a lot like it. They were chatting idly, and Kaoru had the venomous pleasure of seeing a relaxed smile crossing Mayoi’s face- he was even prettier when he wasn’t nervous. He was content to hide by the door and let them enjoy their moment, but he couldn’t help but wonder why the ceiling rig had a large hoop hanging from it and the urge to ask overpowered his desire to go completely unseen.

“Hey, Rei-kun, what’s that?” He pointed to the hoop, then felt compelled to add, “We’re not using that, right? I’m not going up there.”

Mayoi, who wailed like a banshee in surprise when Kaoru made his presence known and took a moment to recover from the fright, spoke up with a slight wobble, “O-oh, that’s mine. I can put it away if it makes you nervous…” 

“No, I worked hard to hang it up for you.” Rei swatted his hand, then pulled Mayoi to his feet as he stood up, “Kaoru-kun ought to see how well you use it, anyhow.”

Kaoru did not like the sound of that. He said as much, shaking his head so hard his brain must have hit every surface of his inner skull, “No, no! He doesn’t have to do anything if he doesn’t want to! Just tell me what it is, I can watch something on YouTube, I don’t need a live show.” Then. “Seriously!” 

“I don’t mind…” Mayoi looked bashful, cheeks tinted pink just like the first time they’d met and eyes darting around the room. “If Rei-san thinks you should see, it’s not a bother.” When his eyes found Kaoru, they were the color of high tide, asking for recognition and praise. “Would you like to see how it works, Kaoru-san?”

If Kaoru’s mouth went dry at that, it was his business and his business alone. He nodded without thinking about it, and suppressed a sharp inhale when Mayoi grinned at him, shooting off for the dangling hoop like a bullet from a gun. Rei laughed warmly, shuffling across the floor to the (still ancient) stereo, like they’d planned the entire thing. The comforting smile he offered the very second Mayoi started to look apprehensive left a strange taste in Kaoru’s mouth. Some pop song, it had played on the radio at the train station while Kaoru was waiting for his train, started. It was so loud it vibrated in his bones, nothing like the faint jazz from the first time he’d visited. He would have thought more about that, but his attention was drawn elsewhere.

Mayoi held onto the bottom swell, twisting his shoulders to make it spin and tucking his feet up at the same time. It was underwhelming, Kaoru decided, for him to take such a scary looking prop and do the most benign move ever. But then in a smooth, seemingly effortless move, Mayoi turned himself upside down and all the way over, folded neatly in half over the lip of his hoop. His arms were curled over his thighs, resting in a way that would have looked like he was holding himself in position if Kaoru didn’t know so much about performing. Then, without disturbing the even spins, he braced his hands on the sides, and pulled himself up and over into a draped position. The crescendoing music followed every moment perfectly.

From his draped position, still twirling at a leisurely pace, Mayoi swooped downward, fingers splayed towards the floor and hanging quite far above it. His free leg stuck out, toes pointed and muscles flexed to keep him rigid and unfaltering. A few turns later, he hooked that leg back onto the hoop, letting go to swing completely upside down, arms stroking through the air slowly and gracefully like upturned water ballet. Kaoru sucked in cold air, only to have it punched out of his chest when Mayoi’s leg unfurled from the hoop and was effortlessly pulled to his ear, breathlessly perpendicular to his outstretched right arm as immaculately as an arrow to a bowstring. 

After holding himself like that for a tense moment, he let go of his own leg, reached both hands up to grip the metal, unhooked his left leg, and curled up once again to dodge the floor. As his legs moved and hands tightened around the hoop, it spun faster. Mayoi’s braid swung with him, blurred with the speed and precision of his twirling. Then, as quickly as he’d sped up, he slowed back down with a wide arc from either leg, managing an airborne straddle split like it was nothing. The room was so cold, unheated in the budding winter weather, but sweat was beading at Kaoru’s hairline, and it took a lot of effort to ignore it. While he panicked over being a sweaty, gross mess without doing anything remotely exerting, Mayoi used his very well hidden muscle definition to pull himself back into the curve of the rigged hoop, crossing his legs where they met the warm metal to stay upright without his arms.

If Kaoru was entering organ failure trying to behave normally, Rei was laughing his ass off at him, wolf whistling and overall being a horrible spectator. But Mayoi looked so appreciative of the attention, so Kaoru may have joined in on the whistling, just to be supportive. He was so supportive, in fact, that he turned away to wipe the sweat from his brow. He turned back and very instantly regretted the decision, because Mayoi was in another split. His hands held him just below the hoop, toes pointed and body taut with focus and the slightest bit of strain. It was mesmerizing. 

As his body twisted to sit inside the hoop again, the song was coming to a close, and he kicked his feet to change speed again. Kaoru knew there’d be a grand finish, there had to be. He was half expecting the swinging movement that brought Mayoi upside down again (this time hanging from the top instead of the bottom, but it was still monumentally impressive. Even more impressive, though, was the way he gripped the opposite side of the hoop and tilted it with every spin, contorting his body to bend like a carved bow. With every decrescendo, he slipped closer to the ground, slowing his turns gradually. 

Rei stopped the hoop halfway through a rotation, gripping both sides and allowing Mayoi to dismount directly onto him. As soon as he was in reach, Mayoi slid off of his perch and caught himself with legs around Rei’s waist and arms around his neck. A new song started, and Rei stepped back, supporting Mayoi with both hands and speaking so quietly Kaoru couldn’t hear over the music. Whatever he said, it must have been terrible, because Mayoi pulled his head closer to smother him in the front of his tee shirt. His face was so red, it trailed down his neck, and his smile was that of someone blinded by joy. Kaoru was so jealous and he had no clue of who. 

Mayoi wasn’t released for a little while- Rei was moving with the music in a way that was both ridiculous and insanely cute, bringing Mayoi with him as he danced around. As they moved, though, he slipped lower and lower until they were eye-to-eye. For a moment, Kaoru was genuinely concerned they were about to start kissing and he’d have to make a run for it again. Instead, Mayoi let go of Rei, lowering his feet to the ground with a visible sigh. 

Kaoru couldn’t look away until his feet touched the floor, hair a whirlwind and skin flushed with the workout. He wondered if he’d been misinterpreting the way they were looking at each other, if Mayoi _had_ wanted to kiss Rei as much as it’d looked like he did. Kaoru wondered if he was imposing. Hopefully not. Rei turned off the stereo before it gave them all permanent hearing damage, shattering the haze that’d rolled through the room. It should have been embarrassing to be so shaken by a little bit of amatuer acrobatics and a lot of PDA, but it wasn’t at first. Not even a little bit.

“What did Kaoru-san think? Was it as scary looking as you expected?” Mayoi asked Kaoru, all pretty smiles and sparkling eyes. One hand was caught on his mounted hoop, almost affectionate when he swayed with it. “I hope I managed to show you how easily tamed lyra can be.”

Instead of answering in an intelligent manner with words and hand gestures, Kaoru went cherry red to his ears and ducked out of the studio to bury his face in a half-melted snow outside. On his way out, he could hear Mayoi and Rei both laughing at him, and he smiled at the happy sound. With a frostbitten nose and icy fingers, he rejoined them with a barrage of questions that he asked while they made him stretch for his own practice. 

All in all, it was a very productive afternoon.

\---

Kaoru nursed sore muscles the next morning, savoring the burning ache with every move he made. It’d been so long since he’d had anything to practice for, so the pain was as much a feeling of satisfaction as it was a bother. He ate breakfast while watching videos Rei had sent him in reference to their budding routine. They hadn’t made very much progress on the choreography, but it was to be expected that it’d be a slow process. Kaoru wasn’t dancing to make a career out of it, Rei was. It made sense for him to want a routine that flattered both himself and his partner. 

His sister stole a few bites of his breakfast on her way out, and Kaoru couldn’t even find it in him to be mad at her. He just hoped she remembered money to buy lunch this time. His brother-in-law was next in line, rushing out with his shirt misbuttoned and tie hanging limply around his neck. Kaoru waved goodbye to him and only paused his video research when a text notification interrupted his focus. 

**[09:12] From: rei from kinesiology >>** Personal lessons end at 5 today 

It was an invitation if he ever saw one. 

**[09:12] To: rei from kinesiology >>** cool

With that, he shoved his phone into his pocket and went to get his things in order for class. Outside the window, snow fell in dainty piles, dancing through the blue-gray morning like tiny spinning dancers. Kaoru thought of his mother and, without hesitation or deliberation, smiled to himself. His phone chimed with a new text, and he looked away from the snow to read it.

**[09:18] From: rei from kinesiology >>** Bring an extra pair of socks

\---

“Be careful!” Rei cried, sliding on the floor to catch Kaoru as he slipped, only managing to slip as well and cause them both to hit the floor in a heap. 

Kaoru was left gasping for air, wind knocked out of him, and sprawled unattractively across the cold, cold floor. Somewhere above and behind them, Ritsu was laughing at their misfortune and making no effort to confirm they were still breathing. He even encouraged his own dance partner (Kaoru recognized him from the video Rei had shown him during their initial meeting) to point and laugh as well. He'd be mad at them for laughing if the way they'd fallen wasn't so funny. Rei’s foot jabbed into Kaoru’s back, boney toes prominent even through two pairs of thick socks; Kaoru had reached out for something to steady himself on as he was falling, so he had a tight handhold on Rei’s cardigan. 

“Kaoru-san isn't so good on his feet, huh?" Ritsu taunted, sliding closer to nudge him with one of his feet. 

At first, Kaoru just let it happen, only moving to squirm off of Rei’s foot and catch his breath in peace. Then, as Ritsu continued to point and laugh, Kaoru grabbed him by the ankle and pulled with the intention of sending him to the floor as well. Ritsu squealed as he slipped, waving his arms in a failed attempt to regain his lost balance. It was to no avail- he crashed to the floor next to Kaoru, and Kaoru rolled over to lay across his torso like his older brother used to do to him when they were kids. Laughter came easy, in fact it was hard to stop laughing long enough to breathe. 

“Corgi, save me!!” Ritsu kicked and writhed under him, frame shaking with poorly concealed giggles. 

Corgi (Kaoru would learn his real name one way or another) was no real help, wandering away to get a drink of water while Ritsu was tortured. Rei, however, heard Ritsu’s cries for help and answered them by joining the dogpile on him with a delighted giggle of his own. It was all so silly, too silly for a group of adults that were supposed to be working on schoolwork and professional choreography respectively. But it was such a fun way to destress. Kaoru found himself smiling for no particular reason, head nestled in the crook of Ritsu’s neck when he finally gave up his attempts to wiggle free. The three of them laid in their heap for a minute, sharing body heat and catching their breath.

It was only then that Ritsu’s dance partner came back to rescue him, hooking his arms under Rei’s arms to pull him off the top of the pile. “No fun, Koga-kun.” Rei whined, but went limp to make the chore easier. There was affection there that made Kaoru crane his neck to watch Rei slide out of view. 

Before long it was Kaoru’s turn to be dragged off of Ritsu, except Koga grabbed him by his ankles instead of his arms, dragging him away like something out of a horror movie. He and Rei were both left by the radiator, Kaoru’s legs dropped haphazardly over Rei’s in a way that would have been comfy if by choice. Maybe it was still a little bit comfy, with the warmth from the radiator against them like a hug and Rei’s hand resting casually over one of Kaoru’s calves. His thumb rubbed over the boney curve of Kaoru’s ankle and maybe it was nice. Maybe.

Ritsu was pulled up from the floor much gentler, arms wound around Koga’s neck, feet finding purchase on the floor as soon as he was set on them. Kaoru watched them talk to each other, watched them not move apart even a little bit for the entire duration of the conversation. For his own peace of mind, he decided that both sons of the Sakuma family were overly affectionate, and settled in to enjoy the feeling of Rei against him. He hadn’t realized how much he wanted to be touched until it was happening, and the relief of human contact opened like a flower in the core of his body.

In the end, very little work got done, but they’d come to a decision on what they’d do for their grade. Kaoru went home on the last train, legs sore from sock-skating around the studio and heart warm in the confines of his coat.

\---

“I’m not asking because I think you’re better or anything, Kao-kun.” Kaoru ignored the panic that was seeping from every word, offering his hand instead. “Chi-kun is just…”

“Yeah, yeah, I know. Lemme bask in the one and only Sena Izumi asking me for help for a second, okay?” He offered a comforting squeeze before releasing Izumi’s hand and crossing the university practice room to breathe life into the stereo. 

Izumi bounced on the balls of his feet, causing his somewhat ill fitting tap shoes to click every time his heels lowered. It was rhythmic and seemed unconscious, so Kaoru didn’t complain, turning on the music he knew they’d need to dance to. It was upbeat and fast, no doubt a choice that Izumi allowed his partner to make with significant doubt afterwards. 

“So,” Kaoru met him back in the middle, offering both hands, “Show me the part you’re insecure about.”

Izumi opened his mouth with sharp eyes, probably planning to say something rude; for whatever reason, he decided against it and set his hands in Kaoru’s instead. “Can we just run through it together? I’ll direct you.” 

If he was honest, the lack of impoliteness was a waving red flag, and Kaoru was increasingly concerned with every step they worked through without issue. He said as much, allowing Izumi to guide him through every step until he was confident enough to no longer need a play-by-play. Dancing with Izumi was fun and came naturally, as they were very well matched in skill. Jealousy reared its ugly head once again, and Kaoru swallowed back the urge to wonder why they weren’t partners in the first place. 

If they were, he would have never met Rei (or anyone else that frequented the studio), which would suck. But he was starting to come to terms with exactly _why_ he wanted to be partnered with Izumi so badly, which was a good thing. Probably. Verdict was still pending on that one. Feelings were scary.

“Thanks, Kao-kun.” Izumi mumbled into his shirt, head tucked into Kaoru’s neck as they devolved into mindless swaying. “You always know how to help.”

Kaoru’s hand migrated from Izumi’s waist to rub up and down his back, spinning them in a tentative circle that more closely resembled slow motion ballroom dancing than anything else. He caught his own eyes in the mirror, and watched himself take the place he’d been yearning after for quite some time. His reflection, in spite of the hiccup of his heart rate and warmth in his stomach, stared back at him with nothing but a melancholy smile. He wanted this, wanted the closeness and the intimacy and the affection, but it didn’t feel right. Kaoru felt a little bit like crying all over again.

“Don’t thank me.” He eventually said, tightening his grip on Izumi, “Think of it as repayment for helping me make it up to Rei-kun. I never could have done it without you.”

Izumi, for once, didn’t deflect or preen, just nodded against Kaoru’s shoulder and continued to hide there. His eyelashes brushed skin every one in a while, and Kaoru resigned himself to going for a run after they were done practicing. Anything to give his heart a reason to beat so quickly. 

\---

The new year was racing towards them when Kaoru found himself burrowed underneath several blankets on the ancient and ungodly comfortable couch of the Sakuma residence. Their furnace had broken for the third year in a row (he was told no less than a million times) and they hadn’t wanted to suffer in each other’s company. Plus their apartment was emptier and quieter with Koga out of town spending the holidays with his moms. So there Kaoru was, watching game show reruns in the dark with two sleeping college students pinning him to the couch on either side. 

He couldn’t say he minded it much.

**[14:18] From: DON’T ANSWER >>** you jome?  
 **[14:18] From: DON’T ANSWER >>** home

**[14:18] To: DON’T ANSWER >>** no why

**[14:18] From: DON’T ANSWER >>** never mind dont worry about it  
 **[14:18] From: DON’T ANSWER >>** when are you going home  
 **[14:18] From: DON’T ANSWER >>** time sensitive ? answer fast

Kaoru rolled his eyes, tuning back into ‘Quiz $ Millionaire’ just in time for the final question; he was a little bit excited to see how it’d all pan out, so he didn’t need any distractions. Just as the contestant on TV answered, Rei’s phone buzzed with a text notification. And then another one. And another one. And one more after that. Rei didn’t even stir, so his texts went blissfully unanswered and his phone was mostly silent after the rapid-fire messages. Kaoru missed the end of his show, however, which was a crime worthy of capital punishment. The screen flashed with winning colors, and context clues led him to believe that it was a happy ending. 

Next to him, Ritsu snuggled closer, shivering in his sleep and hiding his face in the side of Kaoru’s sweatshirt. It was nauseatingly adorable, and he couldn’t help petting his hair in appreciation. Being a big brother seemed like such a wonderful time, he wondered distantly why his own was so averse to the experience. It was a healed wound- Kaoru was never really close to him before their mother passed away, so it wasn’t hurtful when they weren’t close after. He shook his head at himself, settling in to be a good pillow for Ritsu.

He phone vibrated next to Rei’s, this time only once. He thought about it for a pensive moment, then leaned very carefully off of the couch to retrieve it without waking up either of the people asleep against him. With utmost caution, he laid back and angled his arms so he could read and respond to his newest text.

**[14:26] From: mother hen hasumi >>** Mikejima wants to know when you’ll be arriving home. Please answer his messages. I am not a messenger pigeon.

**[14:27] To: mother hen hasumi >>** tell him idk  
 **[14:28] To: mother hen hasumi >>** im being a pillow rn so its gonna be a while

**[14:30] From: mother hen hasumi >>** Will do. Are you staying warm?

Kaoru suppressed laughter, not quite wanting to know just how Keito knew where he was with such little information. If anyone could see through his phone screen to assess possible danger and stupidity, it’d be him, so maybe it made perfect sense. Or maybe the world was just so small that Keito knew just as well about Rei and Kaoru’s budding friendship, as well as the Sakumas’ problem with their furnace. That was equally as sensible, and just as amusing.

**[14:31] To: mother hen hasumi >>** sharing body heat and blankets  
 **[14:31] To: mother hen hasumi >>** so many blankets  
 **[14:32] To: mother hen hasumi >>** a stupid amount of blankets

**[14:33] From: mother hen hasumi >>** Remind Rei that the water heater and furnace are different and he does not have to abstain from hot water in the meantime. The gas still works as well, if he tries to microwave things meant to be on the stove. Please.

That time, Kaoru laughed out loud, unable to resist glancing at Rei’s silky hair where it rested over the leg of his pants. His sleeping expression pinched at the sudden noise, so Kaoru stroked said silky hair, fingernails scratching lightly on his scalp. His nose twitched once or twice (like that of a perturbed bunny) before his face relaxed again, lips parting in a soft sigh. Kaoru thought about stroking over his face too, just to know what it felt like, but ignored the thought with moderate embarrassment. 

**[14:37] To: mother hen hasumi >>** hes sleeping rn but ill be sure to tell him later  
 **[14:37] To: mother hen hasumi >>** oh btw  
 **[14:38] To: mother hen hasumi >>** whatd i get on the philo test did i fail 

Pretty brown eyes were watching him when he looked up from his phone, droopy with sleep and full of mirth. Rei reached up to flick him on the nose, laughing warm and content when Kaoru flinched away from him. It knocked the wind out of Kaoru, making his chest tight in the oddest way. 

“Did he win?” Rei asked, turning his head to squint at the TV and the digital clock underneath it. It took Kaoru an embarrassing amount of time to figure out what he was asking.

“Oh, yeah.” Kaoru replied dumbly with a mouth full of sticky glue. “He can finally get his dream house, huh?” 

Rei ‘mmm’ed in response, stretching expertly in a way that didn’t disturb Ritsu’s nap. A yawn cracked his jaw, and he made a high little sound with it. Kaoru felt kind of sick to his stomach. He covered up his newfound illness with a obviously fake coughing fit smothered in the crook of his elbow. Rei’s nose wrinkled up.

“Nasty cough.” He noted, sitting up with the abdominal muscles of a vampire rising from its coffin, “I’ll make you something warm to drink.” The blanket he was underneath went with him, dragging on the floor like the train of a wedding dress.

His feet pitter-pattered against the cold floor as he rushed into the kitchen; Kaoru gently settled Ritsu against a pile of pillows to the sound of running water. His phone hitched a ride in his back pocket, just in case he had to call for emergency medical services when Rei slipped and fell. He found Rei in the process of putting a ceramic bowl full of milk into the microwave. Keito’s request came to Kaoru like a wave of warm water, tickling his funny bone and challenging him not to laugh at Rei’s idiocracy.

“Keito-kun told me to remind you that the stove still works even when the heat doesn’t.” He said with what he hoped wasn’t an unkind smile.

Rei, who was smiling pleasantly when he saw Kaoru coming in to join him, scowled at the bowl in his hands. Then, with a rebellious glint, he put it into the microwave anyways. It hummed as the bowl rotated. 

“Tell him to kick rocks please.” Rei said, as if he couldn’t send the message himself. “And that I didn’t need to be reminded, thank you very much. I’m not a child.”

Kaoru laughed at him again, so hard he had to cough again, and leaned against the cluttered counter while he waited on his warm drink. The microwave hummed on, and Rei tiptoed over to him, resting blanket framed hands on either shoulder. His lips were soft and gentle when they pressed against Kaoru’s forehead, pulling away with a quiet smack that was entirely unnecessary. Rei moved out of his personal space just long enough to shed his blanket and offer it up.

“Kaoru-kun’s a little warm. We can't have you catching a cold, can we?” He said as if it was the simplest thing he’d ever done. “Go sit back down, I’ll finish up in here.” 

Ritsu was awake when Kaoru mutely shuffled back to the couch, pulling the mound of blankets back so he could assimilate. The pressure against his side was a welcome familiarity. A new show, one he’d never seen before, played on the TV now, as confusing and entertaining as probably intended. He was just starting to pick up on the rules when three steaming mugs were lined up on the table, smelling sweet even from afar. 

“Hot cocoa? For the sick guy?” Kaoru asked, just to pick on what was possibly the only warm thing Rei knew how to make. He seemed the type.

“You like sweet things.” Rei stated, because he knew that for whatever reason. Kaoru sipped his hot chocolate so he wouldn’t have a chance to flounder over that revelation. On the table, his phone blinked to signify unread text messages; he snatched it up to reply if only for a reason to clear Ritsu’s smug smile from his peripheral vision.

**[14:41] From: mother hen hasumi >>** Wait until grades are out.  
 **[14:41] From: mother hen hasumi >>** Impatient.

**[15:28] To: mother hen hasumi >>** youre so boring i wish you didnt hate me  
 **[15:36] To: mother hen hasumi >>** reikun said for you to die btw   
**[15:36] To: mother hen hasumi >>** thoughts on that?

**[15:49] From: mother hen hasumi >>** Yes. You wouldn’t like them.

Kaoru could live with that. He left his phone on the coffee table and curled into Rei’s waiting arm, happy to have a place already carved out for him. Rei’s fingers walked like spider legs up his arm to card through his hair in a way that lowered any remaining walls. With long blinks and even breaths, Kaoru lost track of the show on TV.

Rei was a danger to his heart, that was for (unhappily) sure.

\---

**[19:03] From: rei from kinesiology >>** I have costume ideas

Kaoru stared at his phone screen until three little dots popped up underneath it, then raced the clock to change the picture he was seeing.

**[19:05] From: rei-kun >>** [7839576297.png]  
 **[19:05] From: rei-kun >>** [4597735034.png]

**[19:05] To: rei-kun >>** which one of us is the girl

Rei typed, then seemed to backspace, then typed some more. Kaoru got bored watching his typing bubble bounce back and forth out of sight, so he locked his phone and detached from his couch to raid the fridge. It was full of leftovers from the past weeks- his sister’s experimental peanut chicken, stir fry from a paper bag decorated with Ritsu’s handwriting, four day old takeout, etc. His brother-in-law mentioned bringing something back with him on his way home from work, and Kaoru laughed at the thought of trying to cram more leftovers into their fridge.

He dug out an apple to crunch on, sinking back into the couch to watch the weather report on mute. Snow piled on the window outside, dusty, thin, and destined to melt while he was in class the next morning. While he watched the cold front on TV sweep across the map, wind whipped against the wall; it was perfect sleeping weather.

**[19:08] From: rei-kun >>** Me

**[19:14] To: rei-kun >>** look at you taking one for the team  
 **[19:15] To: rei-kun >>** gonna wear a tutu like in the pic too ?

**[19:19] From: rei-kun >>** Should I  
 **[19:19] From: rei-kun >>** Im sure I have one lying around here somewhere  
 **[19:26] From: rei-kun >>** [8395730571.png]  
 **[19:26] From: rei-kun >>** Not so sure

Kaoru stared at the picture for a long time, mouthful of chewed up honeycrisp sitting heavily on his tongue. He thought about answering, but just stared at it some more, not completely sure he remembered how to breathe or swallow or type. His phone screen dimmed, then went completely dark before he snapped out of his stupor and considered actual responses that would seem normal. Nothing about the way that Rei seriously needed to be wearing tights underneath if he wanted to send pictures (anything for Kaoru to avoid seeing the delicate beauty mark dotting the inside of his left thigh), that’d make it obvious that he was looking anywhere but the subject of the photo. 

Acting normal was so hard. Kaoru unlocked his phone to look again, this time ignoring everything that wasn’t made of floaty white tulle. The skirt Rei was modeling _was_ very flattering, clearly made specifically for him to wear. That was, also, something Kaoru was not going to say via text message. He thought about phoning a friend. No, Izumi would laugh at him. Plus they were still in a respectful period of radio silence while Kaoru prayed that their last conversation would fade into irrelevance. 

He had to answer Rei, lest it seem like he was ignoring him. After typing ‘you look good’ and backspacing it three separate times, he settled on the most neutral answer possible.

**[19:31] To: rei-kun >>** not bad  
 **[19:31] To: rei-kun >>** if you werent already a ballerina id have to suggest it as a career path

Kaoru’s face was on fire, ears hot and palms sweaty, and Rei wasn’t even actually there. How bad would it be if he wore something like that in real life? 

A key scratched in the lock of the front door, and Kaoru shot off like a bat out of hell to suffer in solitude.

\---

Every muscle in Kaoru’s body screamed as he stretched a bit too far, breath hopping in his throat and ears beginning to ring. The hands on his back, it seemed, would push him forward until he complained, though. So he said something.

“Too far.” Then. “Owwwww…”

Mayoi let go of him at once, and there was a suspicious thump that was almost surely him falling backwards in his rush to let go. Kaoru ignored him for the time being, sitting up straight and waiting for the straining burn to subside before he worried about anything else. His hair was already sticking to the back of his neck with sweat, and he was just getting started for the day. He couldn’t tell if that was a good sign or not. Without checking to make sure Mayoi was out of the way, he flopped backwards.

“I thought you said you were busy today.” He said when dark hair obscured his peripheral vision, “Rei-kun said you were performing.”

“Not yet, my partner had a doctor’s appointment this morning.” Mayoi left Kaoru’s head in his lap, using the floor-length mirror in front of them to carefully part his hair. Since they’d met, Mayoi had gotten significantly less nervous around Kaoru. It was nice to see and even nicer to have him as a friend; anxiety set aside, he was an excellent critic and even better teacher. Kaoru was grateful beyond measure.

“So, like, are you both gonna get in the hanging hoop thing together?” He hated the way his question came out, but couldn’t think of another way to ask. He was pretty sure Mayoi used the entire thing by himself the one time he’d showed off, so there was no way a second person could fit. After a second of feeling like an idiot, he added, “I don’t know very much about all of this stuff, obviously.”

Mayoi laughed at that, deft fingers too busy twisting his hair into an elaborate braided crown to cover his mouth. “Mhmm, both of us. The venue has one that’s a bit larger than the one here, so I’m positive we’ll both fit just fine.” He caught Kaoru’s eyes in the mirror, smiling with more eyes than mouth, “Would you like to come see?”

Kaoru couldn’t say anything that’d express just how much he did, so he just nodded. Mayoi spared a hand to pat his head, a gesture that felt more affectionate than it was likely meant to. It was just them for the day- Rei had some kind of familial engagement, so there was nothing keeping him at the studio for the day. Watching Mayoi perform sounded like a lot of fun.

===

Clearly, seeing Mayoi’s solo act was nowhere near enough preparation for seeing him perform in a duo. From his spot in the front row, he didn’t miss a single movement on the stage, paralyzed by the sheer dedication and talent before him. 

It started with them both on the floor, engaged in a slow dance better choreographed than most of Kaoru’s previous performances. The only thing that off put the ballroom atmosphere were their matching costumes, skin-baring for traction against the metal and dotted with microglitter that caught the low lights. The lyra (Kaoru googled it for the millionth time and finally remembered the name) hoop hung at center stage with no safeguard if someone was to slip. It was higher than the one at the studio, so high he was almost positive Mayoi would have to hop to get a good grip on it. 

The lights shifted with them as they approached the hoop, both gripping it with one hand and dragging it in a slow circle. Kaoru held his breath as their feet came off the ground, knees curling up elegantly in beautiful correspondence. And then up went Mayoi, knee hooked on the loop with the rest of his body tense with his hanging pose; his partner (Kaoru remembered a name like ‘Kana-san’ and wasn’t about to look away to check the program) followed him up with one foot braced on Mayoi’s thigh for a boost. They overlapped in the most graceful way, like glass blown figurines destined to fit together on display.

They only spun like that for a few seconds, pulling up so that Mayoi sat snugly in the right curve and Kana-san the left. In a fluid motion they both leaned forward, facing opposite ways and still managing to be entwined by every movement. The music swelled as they moved again, this time to sit in hip-to-hip in the hoop, legs kicking to bend together and guide the spinning of the ring. Kaoru’s lungs constricted when their bodies folded together, heads on one another’s shoulder and light catching on their shut eyes. It felt somewhat invasive to watch them.

As quickly as they’d come together, they fell apart, Kana-san leaning backwards to permit Mayoi’s legs sweeping over his body and to his other side. Using his handholds to pull himself up enough to slide across his lap, Mayoi smiled wider than Kaoru had ever seen. His heart jumped into his throat like it was about to run away when Mayoi tipped back, held in place by only one of Kana-san’s hands and his own strength. His body was all smooth skin and toned muscle, an instrument of art and the music they were following. The lights reflected blues and purples off of him, none brighter or more shining than the glimmer of his eyes in the dark.

Kaoru glanced away to shove his vibrating phone further into his pocket, taking the moment to blink a few times. His eyes had gotten horribly dry trying to catch every movement on stage- it was very hard to look away when Mayoi was such a talented performer and diligent tutor. He wanted to be able to return the favor someday. While he was looking away, he glanced at his program to find he was almost right about Mayoi’s partner’s name. When he looked back up, he took in the sight before him; Mayoi and Kaname had reoriented in his absence, upside down and twirling with joined hands at their sides. He’d looked up just in time to see them arch further, hands pulling inward and speeding up the spinning ring. 

Mayoi’s smile went nowhere as they pulled themselves up, so well coordinated they could have been each other’s mirror image. The music had been calming down, and Kaoru felt like they’d been performing for a while, so he assumed they were coming to the end of their performance. He was, in fact, so wrong. Kaname stayed seated in the center curve, providing a stable place for Mayoi to step as he boosted himself onto the very top edge of their shared hoop. His hands secured him on the cord they hung from, body straightening out as Kaname slid forward and flipped his body over- his toes pointed for balance he didn’t need, hands holding himself in place and legs braced in an almost-split. 

If that was impressive, Mayoi coming back down to lie in the curve of his body, legs slowly opening down to frame Kaname’s, was extraordinary. The ring was still turning, and in a moment of facing away from the audience, two manicured hands rested delicately on Mayoi’s stomach. The feeling that watching would impede on a private moment was back, only getting worse when those hands dragged up past his ribs, disturbing the glitter as they went. The glitter fell like a rainstorm to the floor, eye catching and captivating. It was difficult not to get overwhelmed by the movement on stage.

Mayoi pulled himself back to the top like he weighed nothing, dangling upside down and gripping one of Kaname’s ankles in a way that made Kaoru feel guilty for ever doubting their joint skill. Calling either of them strictly dancers would be an insult, he decided. It was more than clear that they were both excessively skilled acrobats, the dancing they did on top of that was extra. The lyra hoop spun and they were completely in their element, perfectly in sync with one another and with their medium. Kaoru regretted ever thinking that lyra was a soloist sport, scolding himself for assuming Mayoi wouldn’t thrive with someone to compliment him. He wanted to apologize. 

He blinked, and they’d gone back to how they were before, folded together like they were built in each other’s image. Kaoru’s heart tightened pleasantly looking at them, he hoped the intimacy he was seeing portrayed on the stage wasn’t just for show. There was a lot of affection in their movements and lingering touches, he’d be a little disappointed if it wasn’t real. Kudos to them if it wasn’t, though, they would be the best actors he’d ever seen. 

They returned to the floor, their fingers interlocking, and twirled together even after dismounting the hoop. The music ended and they were nose-to-nose, shining like a sky of stars as the lights went down and their performance ended. The applause was deafening, overtaking the venue like a tsunami. 

Kaoru watched them accept first place with teary eyes and clinging hands, and he smiled until his face cramped. It was a really good day.

\---

“I know I said I could lift you just fine,” Kaoru said, setting Rei on the floor with shaking arms, “But I’m starting to get really scared I might panic and drop you or something.”

“You won’t drop me.” Was the only answer Rei graced him with, not even bothering to stop practicing his half of their routine. His hair swished around, the ponytail he’d put it in hours earlier coming loose after so much movement. 

“You don’t know that.” Kaoru didn’t argue further, following his example and continuing the twists and steps of their dance. The deadline was fast approaching, just over a month and a half out, and he really wasn’t confident in his ability to perfect half of the lifts they had planned.

At least Rei was a very diligent teacher, guiding him through every new thing he was learning with utmost patience. Mayoi was gone, had been for a few weeks while he juggled school engagements and traveling to perform with Kaname. Kaoru missed having him around, but couldn’t lie and say he didn’t enjoy the one-on-one time with Rei. They were spending every other day together now, not always practicing, but getting closer all the same. There were still walls up, still boundaries keeping their friendship distant in certain places, but it was nice regardless. 

Between classes and spending time with Rei, Kaoru found little time to worry about things he couldn’t change. It was an amazing weight off of his shoulders.

\---

At the beginning of February, Rei brought a guest to their regular practice, and Kaoru had to put forth effort to not be annoyed by it. He’d stopped on his way to get them hot cocoa, and he was not pleased to find that there was measuring (of all things) to be done before he could enjoy it. That all being said, he didn’t argue, because Rei looked really happy to see whoever was getting their measurements. He was still mad, though.

Watching Rei get measured was weird. He was so good at it, knowing just how to move and pose to make it quick and easy. If Kaoru thought about it, Rei had mentioned once that his friend from middle school did almost all of his costuming now. So that was probably why. They knew each other. 

When it was Kaoru’s turn to be measured, he was absolutely terrible at it. Too many times he was smacked for being poorly posed, and too many times he was snapped at in a way that made him prefer dinner with his dad. It was over quickly, but left an unpleasant burn in the back of his throat. He banished it with a sip of equally unpleasant cold cocoa, that he promptly tossed in the trash with a heavy sigh. It was a terrible day to practice.

But then Rei offered to run out and get fresh hot chocolate as an apology for the impromptu measuring session. He wrapped up in his coat and scarf, promising to hurry back and not keep ‘his Kaoru-kun’ waiting any longer. Kaoru had a difficult time not blushing at being referred to that way, equally embarrassed and flattered. 

So maybe if he had a little bit of a crush. Sue him.

\---

On Valentine’s Day, Kaoru skipped class. Instead of spending it watching couples on campus be grossly in love and have everything he didn’t, he spent it staring wistfully at Rei making chocolates in his kitchen. He didn’t know who they were for, but they were an absolute disaster from start to finish. Kaoru watched with the incurable desire to have them, edible or not. His money was on them not being edible, but he was willing to taste test them to find out.

“There’s chocolate in your eyebrows, Rei-kun.” He laughed into his cup, hoping the alcohol could excuse his flushed face.

“Are you making fun of me?” Rei put his hands on his hips, looking so fake grumpy, it was just cute. “I’ll wash up when I’m done, then I promise we can watch our movie.” 

To be honest, Kaoru forgot to answer with words, just nodding and allowing himself to be lost in his traitorous thoughts. Thoughts of falling asleep with Rei’s head in his lap. Thoughts of watching the sunrise drip from pretty brown eyes that had been haunting his best dreams for months. He pushed off the counter and walked to the couch, just to have a reason not to talk anymore- Kaoru didn’t trust his alcohol-loosened tongue. 

Extra blankets and pillows were already strewn across the couch cushions, waiting patiently for them to be done making Valentine’s chocolates. Kaoru glared at the heart patterned blanket draped over the back, agreeing to come over and celebrate was one of his greatest mistakes. He couldn’t have said, no, though. Because then Rei might have asked someone else. The mere thought made him want to pass out, drink sloshing in his cup when he reached up to rub his temples.

“Kaoru-kun?” Rei sounded far away, but his face was incredibly close, eyes narrowed to assess if Kaoru was in distress. “Are you alright?”

“Mhmm.” Kaoru nodded again. “Are you done with your chocolates?” 

Rei said something like ‘come see’ and tugged Kaoru along, throwing the fridge door open to show off his homemade treats. There were two chocolates set aside, slightly misshapen but still in the recognizable shapes of a bat and fox. Kaoru wondered why.  
Regardless, they were all adorable. Kaoru choked on the rush of serotonin. His drink needed a refill. Desperately.

While he attended to that, he heard Rei cleaning up behind him. Knowing that it was almost time to marathon terrible movies and drink and eat junk food, Kaoru smiled against the lip of his cup. Refreshed drink obtained, he turned to lean on the cabinets and watched Rei shed his lace apron (Kaoru had to have misinterpreted the comment he’d made about it matching to the skin. Had to be.) and hang it on the pantry door. Everything felt domestic and safe, making the reminder that they were and would stay just friends hurt even worse. He was so busy pitying himself, he almost missed Rei turning around to face him. 

Music played from Rei’s phone, too quiet to really hear the lyrics, but loud enough to get an idea of the beat. He offered his hand to Kaoru, face still smeared with the carnage of the chocolate he was making, hair still in a knot on top of his head. “It’s Valentine’s Day, but I have no one to dance with… mind helping me out?” 

Kaoru did take his hand, setting his drink aside and stepping into his personal space like it was nothing. His chest began to ache when Rei’s other hand rested on his waist to guide him into a lazy waltz. Their chests pressed together, faces too close because of their lack of height difference. Rei’s breath smelled faintly of raspberries and failed chocolates, so sweet it made Kaoru’s mouth water. He felt disgusting.

Slushy snow beat against the windows, a beautiful backdrop when Kaoru peeked around Rei’s head to see. Rei held him tighter, tucking his face into Kaoru’s neck and humming along to whatever song they were dancing to. Needless to say, Kaoru’s mind went somewhere less than platonic, lingered on dreams where Rei would hold him just like this and whisper sweet things. He wanted that fantasy so badly, so much more than anything else his brain had cooked up over the years. Thinking about being with Rei felt like something was finally complete inside of him, and it was a terrifying way to feel. 

“Are you sure you’re alright?” Rei nudged him far enough away to get a good look, having the heart to look concerned in spite of his messy face and disheveled everything else. He was beautiful like the decayed paintings living on museum walls, so bewitching and utterly untouchable.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” Kaoru was not fine, not at all. But if lying would buy him more time to lean against Rei’s shoulder and sway to love songs that overstepped the boundaries of their friendship, it was worth bottling his feelings up. 

The song looped back to the beginning, soft piano keys and gentle strings, and Kaoru strained his ears to hear the lyrics. Rei coaxed him closer again, letting his hand stray to stroke down the soft fabric of Kaoru’s borrowed pajama shirt. The tray of chocolates was setting in the fridge, cold and stiff. Kaoru felt the same. They turned around and around, having long learned every detail of each other’s bodies- at least in the dance partner kind of way.

Even though Kaoru had never had professional training in the world of slow dancing- it was the only thing his father pushed him to learn, and he was a spiteful child- it was very easy to fall into Rei’s cadence. He was obviously taught how to do it right, and was ignoring whatever lessons he’d been given to sway Kaoru around his kitchen like they were in a soap opera. Their hands fit together just right, legs lined up comfortably, and Kaoru’s head was resting comfortably against the side of his neck. Rei, underneath the lingering scent of the chocolate he’d been making, smelled like fabric softener and winter. It was, behind every flowery description to avoid honesty, the smell of home.

The harder Kaoru tried to listen for song lyrics, the more they ran together until all he could catch was a mournful ‘Hold you here my loveliest friend…’ that floated through the otherwise silent apartment like a ghost. He was lightheaded trying to keep up with the thoughts he was having, movements languid and leisurely while his mind raced. Slow dancing with Rei was a dream he didn’t know he had, and living it was raising his expectations an unhealthy amount. He needed a break, or else he’d never stop wanting more.

“Rei-kun…” He sighed, finding it inside himself to ask to sit down. But Rei was already looking at him, mouth curved into the most private smile Kaoru had ever seen. If he were properly drunk, he’d say that Rei’s pupils were shaped like little hearts that sat against his brown irises like an inverted picture of the chocolates they’d made. But he wasn’t, so he thought to ask if there was something on his face.

And then he kissed Kaoru. Rei kissed him, and it felt like the music should be swelling to swallow them up and preserve the moment for as long as possible. The newly fixed furnace had earlier kept the apartment pleasantly warm, but now offered only a suffocating, suppressive heat. Kaoru clung to Rei’s hand, so tight it must have hurt, and tried to remember how to kiss back. His heart had long since dropped into his stomach and further, metaphorically resting on the polished wood between his slippered feet. 

Kissing Rei felt so right, like everything had snapped into focus and Kaoru could finally _breathe_. His mouth was soft, hesitant at first as if he was nervous to have made such a move, then confident when he received no resistance. Kaoru was grateful he did, because it was clearly going nowhere while he pined away watching Rei mill around his kitchen. The only thing that didn’t make sense was how positive he was that Rei didn’t like him this much; it was a minor detail to worry over when Kaoru was actively sucking on his tongue. He was so happy it hurt.

He didn’t realize he was crying, either from joy or relief or both, until he shuddered with a muffled sob. Tears were dripping off of his chin, rolling off his lower lashes like summer rainfall, and he just hoped he didn’t look too terrible. As soon as he thought to, he was wiping his tears away with the hand that wasn’t tightly squeezing Rei’s. When his face wasn’t so gross, he deemed himself worthy of another kiss.

But the lovestruck look that Rei had fixed him with before was long gone, replaced by one of utter and complete horror. His hand wasn’t squeezing back anymore, and he wrenched free to break the contact between them. He only stayed close to lift one hand, then withered at whatever he was thinking, pacing away from Kaoru with a complex expression. While he looked angry, Kaoru felt like sinking into the floor and never coming back up.

“I shouldn’t have done that.” Disgust was in Rei’s words, and they bit through Kaoru’s defenses like wet paper, “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have- I’m so sorry.” 

Everything came to the surface, and Kaoru really did crumple, turning away to keep some of his dignity when he couldn’t swallow down another rush of tears. His hands shook when he gripped the back of the couch, chest hurting like it’d been split open and vision blurred beyond recognition. If Rei was so revolted by kissing him, it was time to go, wasn’t it? Kaoru already ruined their friendship by making him feel like they had to kiss, so he should just pack up and get a cab and let Rei go back to living in peace.

“I should-” He stopped, gasping for air and stifling another sob. “I should go. I’m sorry.” 

But as he shuffled toward the door, Rei stopped him, holding him tightly in place. He looked as upset as Kaoru was, eyes glassy and lips pressed tightly together to stay composed. His hands shook where they rested on Kaoru’s arms, trembling all the way up his arms to his shoulders. Kaoru hated himself for being the cause.

“Please don’t go.” Rei reluctantly pulled him closer, still warm, still homely. “It’s late and the weather is awful. I can’t send you away.” His arms were a welcome vise, holding tight enough to hold the broken pieces of Kaoru’s heart together. “Please stay the night, I don’t want you to go yet.” 

Kaoru wanted to say a lot of things; he wanted to apologize and ask why Rei would kiss him in the first place if he didn’t mean it. He wanted to know so badly, but couldn’t find the words when teardrops were wetting his shoulder. “I don’t wanna overstay my welcome.” It wasn’t the lovesick sonnet his brain had been writing to distract from the pain, but it was all that his tongue and teeth could offer. 

Rei shook his head, “You could never...” The words trailed off, and Kaoru pretended he didn’t hear the ‘I never want you to leave’ that followed. It was just better that way. 

“I’m sorry.” He said in return, pulling away from Rei’s embrace. Then, because he was nothing if not a glutton for punishment, he made himself at home on the far side of the couch. Rei followed him in silence, turning the TV on for background noise. 

They started a movie that Kaoru didn’t bother learning the name of, and the silence continued, much louder than the TV and much louder than the chirp of sirens outside. Their marathon lasted two and a half movies before they were both falling asleep, Kaoru sufficiently intoxicated and Rei falling over every time he tried to get up and go to bed. There was no way he was getting there without help.

“I’m not that kind of person.” Rei murmured while Kaoru tucked him into bed, words slurred and lip trembling in the low light, “But if you can’t forgive me for it, that’s okay.” 

Kaoru nodded, and fell asleep on the couch wondering how he was going to manage to dance with Rei for a grade without losing his composure. He didn’t find an answer. Sometime in the early morning, another blanket was spread over him, followed by nimble fingers petting through his hair. They were a comfort and a curse to his unconscious mind.

When he went home, it was with a tin of chocolates from the fridge. He regifted them like the metal would burn him if held for too long.

\---

Kaoru’s sister didn’t ask questions when he fell into a cycle of going to class, coming home, and sleeping. Her concern was obvious, but she didn’t expect an explanation or even request one. He needed to text Rei (he would absolutely text Mayoi as a proxy) and figure out when their dress rehearsal would be. It’d be hard to pin down, since their costumer was a perfectionist that Rei owed a lot of favors to, and they couldn’t have a dress rehearsal until he was done. But a date would be nice to have, just in case.

**[13:48] From: DON’T ANSWER >>** daily reminder to eat three meals ☆  
 **[13:48] From: DON’T ANSWER >>** and talk to someone about whats bugging you

**[13:49] To: DON’T ANSWER >>** go away  
 **[13:50] To: DON’T ANSWER >>** psych major =/= therapist   
**[13:51] To: DON’T ANSWER >>** i dont need you

He didn’t get a text back, which was probably a terrible omen, but he tossed his phone aside anyways. His homework was an excellent distraction from his heartache, and he was content to polish his transcript hiding from his feelings. That being said, Kaoru deliberately ignored an email from his kinesiology professor for the fourth day in a row, deciding to reassess if he was prepared to report on how his partner project was coming along tomorrow. He considered bribing Keito into running his emails for a few days, then decided it wasn’t worth spilling his guts when asked why. He’d suffer on.

**[14:12] From: DON’T ANSWER >>** yes you do

Kaoru muffled an annoyed groan into his pillow, then, for reasons unrelated to the texts he’d received, he made himself a sandwich. The headache he’d felt building in his temples dissipated as he ate. He was a little pissed about it. 

\---

Dress rehearsal came after two and a half more weeks of moping through outstandingly awkward regular rehearsals. Their costumer, who was definitely friends with Rei even if he denied it, was actually very nice as long as Kaoru listened to him. His costume fit perfectly, a testament to good measurements and expert craftsmanship; he’d have to give a proper ‘thank you’ when he wasn’t on the verge of death by rejection. 

As much as it hurt his heart to acknowledge, they looked wonderful together in their matching outfits. Shu-kun did an impeccable job with them and after watching his gaze linger, Kaoru wondered just what he was getting out of the arrangement. Something wholly unlike jealousy hit him like a truck, draining his motivation and making his heart hurt even more.

He wasn’t given much time to stew in his emotions, pulled away from his thoughts by Rei’s soft touch on the small of his back. Try as he did to not enjoy the feeling, he was almost instantly soothed by it, ready to practice their routine so he could go home and burrow into bed. It wasn’t that easy, because the heavens loved to taunt Kaoru for daring to overcome his hardships. He tried not to notice the way Shu-kun watched them with a spark in his eyes and his hands folded in his lap.

The music started and they danced, Rei on his toes and Kaoru’s heels clicking with every embellished step. Their movements were tempered with six months of diligent practice and intimate knowledge of each other’s bodies, muscle memory taking over to practice their routine for one of the last times before they performed it. If his obscene amount of time spent loafing around the studio did anything for Kaoru, it made him very confident in the (admittedly very basic) aspects of swing dancing he learned for class. 

In fact, he was even getting really comfortable with the whole ballet-swing gig they were making a name for themselves with. In a move of self preservation, Kaoru chose not to think about how excited he’d been just a few weeks before to keep dancing with Rei after they got their grade. Instead of focusing on the tight pain in his chest, he smiled at Rei, trying to be civil and supportive. 

Until Rei did something they’d never done or discussed before. Halfway through (at which point in the song, Kaoru was very grateful to not have any dance-related reason to be hanging all over Rei) they were meant to separate and take their own sides of the stage and dance alone, only to come back together at the very end. As they came apart, Rei spun differently than they’d practiced, making the transition look a whole lot cleaner and ingeniously choreographed. That being said, Kaoru couldn’t help but notice the wobble of his ankle, so thin and so close to rolling into an injury. His smile was wiped off his face, replaced by a deep fear that something would happen and Rei would be too hurt to do anything. Six months ago, he’d swear it was just because he wanted a good grade before he graduated.

Rather than stopping to talk about it, which would have been the right choice as Rei’s partner, he put it off for next time they had a chance to talk privately. They ran through their individual parts three times each and then rehearsed the final dip until it flowed smoothly. Kaoru’s hands were warm from touching Rei, and he felt like the most lively part of him had been spooned out and left to rot. It was without a doubt that his terrible mood was clear to everyone in the surrounding area, and he couldn’t even care enough to feel bad about it. Not even when the looks he got were pity instead of annoyance or frustration. 

Kaoru took the evening train wrapped in a jacket that reeked of a home he didn’t have, and fell asleep on his sister’s couch without showering.

\--- 

There were only a few days left before their performance when Kaoru began his staggering array of irresponsible choices. He got ready to go, and he really did mean to get on the right train so they could practice a few more times; but he ended up on the other side of town, instead. He wandered a few stores, shivering in the early spring frost and wondering just what he was looking for. Nothing stood out to him, nothing fit the bill of the gift he was looking to give. 

Of course, he had a few ideas. They all relied on wishful thinking and a whole lot of hope, and Kaoru wasn’t quite ready to have his heart broken again. It was hard to buy a gift for someone that was hardly even real, too good to be true and too terrible to be a dream. 

In the end, he decided to take the plunge.

**[12:50] To: chef shiina (shiina niki ♡) >>** you busy today?

Fear bubbled under Kaoru’s skin, heated to a boil and scalding every capillary it touched. He stared hard at a rack of flower-patterned shirts while he waited for an answer. Every minute that ticked by felt like centuries clawing away at his youthful shine. Finally, his phone vibrated in his hand.

**[12:56] From: chef shiina (shiina niki ♡) >>** Nope ! wats up

Relief flooded through Kaoru like a cooling balm, and he made for the train station on feet touched by lightning. The present he was making was nowhere near appropriate, to some people it may have even been offensive, but he was happy with the decision. 

\---

The big day rolled around and Kaoru greeted it with a hand slapping down on his alarm clock until it read a number much too high. Once he was sufficiently late, he had to skip breakfast and run to catch his ride, clinging to his costume and bag of belongings so tightly it hurt. The midmorning train was more crowded than he was used to, crushing him up against the window and heightening his anxiety an unlawful amount. In spite of, well, everything, Kaoru made it to the studio in one piece. 

Rei was waiting for him, hair and makeup done so well there was no way a professional didn’t do them. He didn’t mention that they were supposed to have met an entire hour earlier, just fussed over Kaoru’s uncombed hair and rumpled clothes. It was a welcome kind of fussing. Kaoru smiled at him as they changed together, trying not to ogle too noticeably. Given the way Mayoi giggled into his coffee, his attempts were unsuccessful.

Given it was a pretty important event, Rei had arranged for them to be driven to the venue, which meant they didn’t have to worry about wrinkling their clothes on the train. It was a luxury Kaoru wasn’t quite used to, and he spent the car ride watching buildings fly past his window. The glass was cold against his cheek, soothing his nerves and making him want to go back to sleep a while longer.

Arriving, getting signed in, and finding their designated practice area all happened in a blur of memory that left Kaoru’s mind as quickly as it occurred. Mayoi cornered him with a brush not long after, taming his hair into something respectable. Then he was getting dressed to perform, feeling like he was watching his life on TV. Nothing felt real, and it was getting hard to remember that he was on his way to performing in the biggest competition of his life (and for a grade that would make or break his transcript). 

If Rei noticed, he didn’t ask about Kaoru’s spacey behavior, just helped him put on his makeup and straightened his clothes. At least he seemed to understand. Then they stretched, and Kaoru started to come back to himself a little; this was his element, he had no reason to run from something he’d done a million times. 

Applause poured down the hallway and invaded their practice space, and Rei said something inaudible. But Kaoru didn’t need to be told that it was time. They marched to the stage, taking in the scenery and hoping that all of their hard work would be enough. Kaoru was, for the first time since they’d started planning, scared. It was their turn, and Rei was holding his hand so tightly it hurt. He leaned into the space between them and whispered, “Good luck.” 

For all the hard work they put into their choreography, memorization and all, Kaoru felt utterly lost in the bright lights. Rei let go of his hand, crossing to his starting point before the music could start. Kaoru took a deep breath and let it out with the first notes.

A hush fell over the audience, every eye in the theatre on them as they met at center stage, spinning around and around until Rei dipped backwards, eyes shut and waist bent into Kaoru’s hands. His dark hair fluttered when he came back to his feet, arms a vise around Kaoru’s neck when they spun in two tight circles on polished tap shoes and pointed toes. They came together and apart a few times, demonstrating their preferred lifts with smiles that couldn’t be smoothed over by the flashy lights.

Rei was just coming down from Kaoru’s arms, pulling his leg up in an elegant spin to give Kaoru a moment to breathe. It was beautiful, or, well, it would have been. But Rei’s shoe shifted under him and his ankle gave out underneath him with a sickening crack. There was a choice to be made, and Kaoru chose to skip the part of their choreography where they danced alone, sweeping Rei into a poorly paced waltz. He saw understanding in those brown eyes, and felt soft pressure when Rei’s bad foot rested on his for a break. 

It was difficult, but they were talented. Without having to say anything, they bullshit their way to the end of the song, adding lifts (and a very stress-inducing toss) wherever it felt right. The music faded, the lights dimmed some, and the audience went absolutely wild. The stage went completely dark around them, leaving Kaoru to scoop Rei up with the very last of his strength and shuffle backstage.

They only made it to their practice area on pure force of will, Rei deposited somewhat roughly on the cold floor while Kaoru ran off to find some ice. Lucky for him, someone else had thought the same thing, and there was already a stagehand on their way with a bag wrapped in a towel. He thanked them in a rush, and they shooed him away.

When he got back, Rei’s shoes were already off, toes flexing to regain circulation. He caught the ice bag tossed to him, and sighed in relief when it met his hurt ankle. It wasn’t really the time, but Kaoru decided to shoot his shot while Rei couldn’t run away from him.

“Y’know, it’s White Day.” He huffed and puffed, sweaty back pressed blissfully against the cold wall. 

“What?” Rei replied, ice pressed against his swollen ankle and face twisted by discomfort. His makeup was smeared from rubbing his eyes. Kaoru couldn’t look away.

“I said ‘it’s White Day’,” Kaoru repeated himself, confidence bleeding out behind his back, “And since you gave me some of the chocolates you made for Valentine’s Day…” 

He dug in his bag, praying to any god that was listening for the package of chocolates he and Niki had painstakingly made was still intact. Sure enough, it was safely tucked between his phone charger and deodorant, completely unharmed. A breath he didn’t realize he was holding hissed from between his teeth, soft and relieved at the sight. 

But now came the hard part. Kaoru knelt down beside Rei, careful of his skirt (that was spread like the bell of a flower he wanted to pluck and keep forever) and brandished his heartfelt gift. It was tied shut with curled red ribbon, paper covered in doodles courtesy of the head chef. He hoped Rei would find them cute.

“I know that when you gave me chocolate after… uh.” Kaoru resisted the urge to shake his head clear when his thoughts started piling up, “I know you didn’t mean it romantically. But I really, really wish you did.” He pushed the package into Rei’s hands, not wanting to make the tremble of his body more abundantly clear. “I like you so much that it scares me, because I’ve never wanted something this much, and I can’t have it so. I’m sorry for avoiding you.” No answer came, and bile rose in the back of Kaoru’s throat. “I’m sorry. I can just- I’ll go, if you ask me to.”

Rei stared at him for a very long time, visibly perplexed. His eyebrows were drawn together in the middle, mouth slanting downwards. Like he was exerting all of his energy thumbing through his mental reserve of knowledge for something.

“I made us dinner and we made chocolates together. On Valentine’s Day.” He finally said, slow as if he was working out a math problem. “And then we slow danced in my kitchen while we drank together and you listened to me talking about my thesis.” Kaoru nodded, confirming that Rei was, in fact, just stating the obvious. “And then I kissed you. Twice. And then we watched a few movies under the same blankets, and you took me to my bed, that was covered in rose petals, in case you forgot about that, and tucked me in.” 

“Yeah, I remember.” At least he didn’t mention that Kaoru cried so hard he almost got sick.

“You remember.” Oh no, there was some frustration seeping into that voice.

“Uh huh.” Kaoru was getting really embarrassed, reaching to take the chocolates back and beg Rei to forget about everything.

“You remember the date I painstakingly set up for us to enjoy in the peace and solitude of my apartment where my younger brother was banished from so that we could have privacy.” Rei’s eyebrows crawled to the middle of his forehead, more expressive than the rest of his face. “And you think that I didn’t mean it romantically? Did you think I was going to fuck you as my treasured dance partner, too?”

“You… I...“ Kaoru dropped the chocolates he’d just taken back. “What? That was a date?”

“You didn’t know? If you think I do all that for just any friend of mine, I’m frankly terrified of how much you think I’d do if I was planning to put out.” Rei was laughing, which was a good sign. “Did you think my comment about the lingerie I was wearing was a best friend thing, too? Kaoru-kun...” 

There wasn’t a proper answer to that. Obviously, Kaoru was taking his stupidity to truly record breaking heights, and he owed an enormous apology. So this time, Kaoru kissed Rei. His lips were sticky with lipgloss and left an aftertaste of bitter salt and outrageously fake strawberry that made Kaoru wish he could spend the rest of his life sucking on the soft swell of Rei’s lower lip. It felt like a crime that he _couldn’t_. The feeling of fingers displacing the gel in his hair, knees bumping the outsides of his thighs like they’d pin him in place if he tried to get away- he didn’t ever want to consider life without them. It was terrifying, actually, how vital Rei had become. 

Too quickly, however, Kaoru pulled away to gasp like he was drowning, fingers tight at Rei’s waist to keep him from slipping away. They breathed one another’s air for a moment, too close to do much else. Rei’s arms had since moved up to loop around his neck like a thin snare to pull him back in if Kaoru tried to run again. He opened his mouth to speak, choking on Rei’s tongue when he was kissed silent again. And again. And again. Until Kaoru’s brain-to-mouth pipeline was severed and the only noise he was managing to make was a soft little wheeze every time boney knees squeezed his waist.

Their mouths were sticky and swollen when they separated, noses brushing and eyes drooped. Even if they got up and parted ways then and there, it was clear what they’d been doing instead of watching their competition perform. The applause was loud enough to tell them that their standing in first place was in jeopardy, but not loud enough for them to stress. Rei didn’t even acknowledge the noise.

Kaoru didn’t think he could move ever again, or at least not for a long while. The emotional release of confession and being confessed to right back was enough to put him down for the count- making out with Rei in public was just a mind numbing plus. He froze, considering the rush of emotion he’d felt the first time they kissed and comparing it to his current feelings. As if they were comparable at all. His mind was alight with self doubt and worry, and it was kind of ruining the mood.

As if he knew exactly what was going on, more lipstick smeared on the side of his neck when Rei pulled him in for a hug, whispering sweet things for no one’s ears but theirs. Kaoru stroked his fingers through hair sprayed curls, shaking with euphoria and excitement. His heart beat faster and faster, skipping and fluttering like a newly emerged moth learning to fly and seeking the brightest light it could find. He was happy. On stage, Chiaki and Izumi danced their hearts out to the song he’d wanted for himself, and Kaoru couldn’t help but want to thank them. He wondered if saying something would be a good idea.

The answer, he decided, probably wouldn’t be found in the debauched mouth of his new boyfriend, but he was more than willing to try it. If he was anything, it wasn’t a quitter, after all.

And try it Kaoru did, sparing one glance down either end of the hall before he trapped Rei against the wall again. His hands dragged down the stiff fabric of Rei’s dress, appreciating the craftsmanship on his way to ruck it up. Now, he was well aware that garters were a stylistic choice made for comfort and aesthetics, but the second Kaoru’s fingers brushed over them it was like he’d been struck by lightning. Rei gasped softly against his mouth, heavy eyelashes fluttering and sticking together. Poorly maintained makeup had never gotten Kaoru going faster. 

His hands crawled higher, thumbs drawing over the material of his spandex shorts and wishing he could feasibly tear them off. Up a few centimeters, lace and elastic tempted him further- he’d never experienced the beauty of Rei’s style choices up close before. In his exploring, he mistakenly unclipped a stocking, and instead of trying to fix it, he chose to just watch it sag down his thigh. Not for long, though, because Rei was pulling him back in to lick the backs of his teeth. 

Lithe legs curled around Kaoru’s waist, and he pulled Rei away from the wall and into his lap, hands wandering once again. It was a real shame they were still in public, because the little sighs and mumbles Rei was muffling into his mouth were so cute. He wanted to hear them unhindered so badly. And he almost did, pulling away to breathe and catching the tail end of a wheezy groan.

“Should we talk about this?” Rei asked, breathless and shifting in Kaoru’s lap like he had something to hide.

“Mmm… later?” Kaoru was already nosing into his neck, nipping at the soft skin and fighting the desire to bruise.

“Mhmm.” With one hand in his hair, Rei pulled him back into reach, leaning into his body hard enough to tip them backwards some. 

Kaoru’s hands went behind for support, and his heart sang in his chest to the tune of distant applause. He wondered what their grade would come out to be, but found himself not able to care much. If he needed a tutor to get his grade back up, he was sure Rei could make time to show him anything he needed to know. The thought made him giggle with delight.

**Author's Note:**

> first of all i want to thank the beautiful and talented women behind my lyra inspirations and references: [laura dasi](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QzQt7kC6iCg&list=LL&index=6) and [ellie marshall + kelly chaproniere](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K_XFKIpJipo&list=LL&index=3)! 
> 
> second of all, i want to thank the power behind rk week: j! you were such a wonderful motivator and an uplifting presence while i worked on this and words cannot express my gratitude... thank you so much ladybug!! i had so much fun writing for this week
> 
> and finally, i want to apologize for the disorganized nature of the last 9kish words... i suffered a somewhat severe head injury halfway through writing this and my brains are thoroughly scrambled! but this was the last entry to rk week i wrote and i was dead set on finishing it in time! once im all recovered, ill definitely come back and edit this to its full potential, thank you so much for reading and for always supporting me in my reikao crimes <3


End file.
